


The "alcohol" made me feel this

by hoebemyhope



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:42:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27075940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoebemyhope/pseuds/hoebemyhope
Summary: Howard and Vince come back from a night on the town. Not really too much to add.
Relationships: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	The "alcohol" made me feel this

Walking home from a night on the town is something many people do a lot. Well not me, I simply never have the time.

Somehow Vince managed to drag me out of the house to check out this "genius" new club.  
Yes, that is the adjective he used to describe it. It’s the one he always uses to describe everything. It's a bit of a problem.  
Is that the only word in his vocabulary? It’s certainly the most occurring. It is cute though, and it's signature for him. Still can't help but think; if only one day he would listen to one of my lectures on the importance of sounding intelligent he'd be taken more seriously by those of a higher intellect, but as if that will ever happen. He hangs out mostly with people whose heads aren't for carrying a brain, but there as an accessory. To put it lightly the people he associates himself with are more than a little daft.

Vince himself can be a little well... silly sometimes too. But I suppose he makes up for it with his charm. Is Vince charming? Only sometimes. Well, at least he's pretty. For a bloke at least. But pretty does not last forever, does it? One day the years will catch up to him, right? 

No, they probably won’t. 

Often it seems he’s the luckiest person in the world. He will probably reach ninety-two and still look fresh as a daisy. Stupid tart. But I am not jealous or anything. Not even because I am very slightly in love with him very much, simply because jealousy is not an attractive trait and not a nice emotion, so I simply refuse to feel it. For the most part.

The night has been uneventful, in all honesty.  
Well at least for me it’s been. Vince seemed to have a doozy of a night, as always.  
All kinds of people bought him drinks. Well, I don’t think you can classify a sizable majority of them as people; I mean one of them was made of rice bubbles for god sakes.  
Not that I hold any prejudice against the rice bubble community, they seem to be a… lovely bunch? No, I’m not only saying that, so they don’t attack me with their spoon spears and acid milk.  
If they were to try anything, I’d come at them real hard like whack-a-mole. Probably best not to mention that to them, uh don’t want them to try anything, and have them forced on their death bed too early. Off-topic. 

Anyways not only were people buying Vince drinks, but they were “dancing” with him too.  
Although I don’t think you could call that distasteful body moving they were doing dancing; it was more of an explicit clothed mating call.  
Not that I mind though. Of course, I have seen worse on the interweb. Is that what it’s called? 

Doesn’t matter, I guess. The point is it could have been worse.  
Although it would be more appropriate if they had been dancing a little more separately. What if there were underaged people in that club who brought fake IDs? Them being exposed to people being so close could corrupt their minds, brainwash them into perversion. I’ll have to talk to Vince about that later. 

To be honest when Vince was dancing so close with those people- well characters I should say, just to be more inclusive, I couldn’t help, but feel a strange sensation located in my heart and my stomach.

Both seemed to drop.

Might have been the music playing hypnotizing me.  
But then again, I have felt it before without any music being played. Strange isn’t it? I’ll have to research it later, make sure I’m not ill or something.

Speaking of Vince, he’s acting rather strange on this walk home. 

I will not say it’s getting on my nerves, but it’s getting on my nerves.  
He’s walking all close to me no matter how many times I tell him I need space. He’s so drunk he can’t even comprehend and understand the simple words I’m telling him. I may have had a drink or two myself, so I’m not thinking completely clearly either. 

I’m a little out of my head at this current point. I had something called a mocktail, which I’m fairly sure is what trendies are calling cocktails now. Yes, you heard it right, Howard Moon is up to date with the young people’s slang, yes sir. I got them all figured out. For the most part. Sometimes I still am completely clueless with the abbreviations and acronyms as well as slang. 

Vince, for example, will use the phrase “ily” quite often but I’m not quite sure what that means yet.  
It probably means something stupid like an abbreviation for illegal, but that doesn’t really make sense, does it?  
He often says it to me when we are emailing back and forth, or when we say our goodbyes to each other, or sometimes even at random points during the conversation.  
It’s a bit confusing, so I just answer with ok. Sometimes he looks a little deflated after that. Not sure why.

Right now, he is trying to hold my hand. The whole of me is tempted, probably because I'm in love with him. Well definitely because I'm in love with him. He doesn’t know that though. No matter how many hints I drop, he never gets it. I’m pretty concerned about the fact that he’s so oblivious. The other night I told him “you know, Vince, you’re not completely insufferable,” and I don’t think he got that I was flirting with him at all. Isn’t it obvious? It’s one of the highest compliments you could get. What would it matter anyways though? He’s shown no sign of being interested in me at all. I have so much to offer but guess he doesn’t see that. It’s his problem though. I’ll keep telling myself that, it brings me a small measure of comfort.

I have all these strange thoughts racing, I barely even noticed we were home already. It wasn’t necessarily a long walk home, but it sure as hell didn’t seem as short as that on the way there.

I opened the door and Vince went inside, I followed him in and locked the door, so no one can break-in. Safety is important so I double and triple-check just to make sure it really is locked. 

Naboo and Bollo are both out on some shaman meetings, so we don’t have to worry about being quiet.  
I turn the light on and immediately go to the kitchen to make Vince and I a cuppa.  
Vince sits on the bench and pretends he doesn’t hear me when I tell him to get off of it.  
Don’t know why I wasted my breath, I knew he wouldn’t listen, he does this all the time. He starts ranting, but I don’t hear most of it, partly because of the kettle and partly due to my filled mind. And then I hear the phrase

“you were well jealous.”

Of course, that catches my attention, and I feel the need to clarify that I’d heard him right, so I politely ask him to tell me what on earth he just said, and he repeated it.

I heard him right the first time.

This of course breaks out into a back and forth the argument of “no, I wasn’t” and “you were so’s.” He's starting to go on and on about how I was “glaring knives at all the blokes and birds batting their eyelashes at him.”  
I tell him I didn’t, but he just bursts out laughing.

I tell him that, it’s highly insulting and that I am very offended by him belittling me all the time, which of course made his twisted self, laugh even more. I swear he even has tears in his eyes. I mean I have some in mine too, but they aren’t from laughing.

He then said something that partially shocked me. He says, 

“you’re just so bloody cute Howard,” laughed a little more and added, “I just wanna tie you to myself and squeeze ya forever.”  
What an odd thing to say, but for some reason it causes a hot feeling to spread across my face. I ask him to elaborate which causes more laughter and then a reply of 

“you need to go to bed,” he’s probably right, but how am I meant to sleep when my mind is this awake? I don’t know what else to say so I just keep making tea.

Maybe I’m just so hammered from those two mocktails that I’m just imagining this.  
Surely that’s the only logical explanation.

“I know you love me Howard, but it’s ok, I love you too,” he tells me

“Vince, I do not believe I am in a proper state to be speaking to you about this. If you have not noticed already, I am under the influence of alcohol,” I respond, calmly.

“Rubbish, the club only sold mocktails,” he says laughing yet again.

“Precisely my point- “

“Mocktails are fake cocktails. They don’t contain alcohol you goose,” surely, he’s lying.“That’s so cute Howard. I told you that before, but you were too busy starin’ into my eyes or something. Gettin’ all distracted”

I have no idea how to respond to that, so I go for the safe option, which is rolling my eyes.  
That apparently makes it seem like I’m lying even more.

“See you can’t even answer, that means it’s true,” he smiles at me “you love me back dontcha? Admit it, yeah?” Wait back? That phrase implies that his feelings reciprocate my feelings, meaning that Vince loves me back.

“You’re full of shit,” I manage to spit after a few moments of hard thinking.

“You know I’m not wrong,” he grins.

“Yeah, I do know that your allegations are completely false. I don’t swing that way and you know it.”

“That’s not what you said at your birthday par-”

“I said a lot of things I didn’t mean that night. It was probably the most horrible event of my life,” Vince looks deflated at this, so to ease the tension I add “I don’t mean that the party wasn’t that horrible.”

“s’not that, Howard, stop playing dumb,” he’s not even looking me in the eyes. He always tries to look me in the eyes. I’ve screwed up, haven’t I?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about- “

“Thought you’d know all about it more than anyone,” he spits.

“More about what than anyone?”

“Rejection, since you pretty much get it every day. Just thought you’d be pretty much jumpin’ me when I told you I love ya.” That hurts more than I can express.  
The bitterness in his voice is so foreign, I’m starting to think this isn't Vince. It's just so so out of character for him. I start to hear sniffles.

Is Vince crying?

I don’t think I’ve seen Vince cry in years.

“Hey It’s ok- “

“No s’not. I were being mean.” 

Vince is not a pretty crier.  
Not even in the slightest.  
His face is contorted, his eyes are red, there’s even a little bit of snot escaping from his nose, with small bits of drool are escaping his mouth, and yet I’ve never seen anyone so stunning. The tears make his eyes pop, the blue looks eclectic and his lashes look dramatic. I really just want to kiss him.

My heart is pounding in my chest. Am I about to do this? 

Yes, I am. 

If I don’t do it now, I never will.

So, I grab his face and kiss him right on the lips. He doesn’t pull away immediately, but he does after a few seconds.

“it’s not fair to lead people on y’know?” He says finally, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Who says I’m leading you on?”

“You know I love you. But you don’t love me. Kissing me when that’s the case ain’t fair. Now I know I ain’t the smartest in the world, but I know enough to know this time I actually have the right to be confused,” his tears aren’t stopping. What the hell is going on?

“But I do love y- “

“No. You. Don’t!”

“I d- “he cuts me off before I can finish my pathetic two-syllable sentences.

“YOU DON’T!!” he yells, but manages to compose himself, “I know you don’t. Been dropping you hints since we were fourteen and you never managed to drop any back. Always replied with stuff like, “shut up Vince, trying to write my thesis,” most of the time not even realising my existence. You’re an impossible person to love, Howard, but for some reason I know I’ll never stop. I could have anyone I wanted, but for some reason, I go for the only one not interested. It’s un-fucking-believable.”

“Vince stop- “

“No! ‘m not gonna stop, only been shutting up for what? 20 years? Let me speak for god sakes. Do you know how it feels t- “?

“I thought you were pulling my leg,” I blurt out before I could stop myself. Vince looks confused.

“You what?”

“I thought you were kidding.”

“That’s bull shit. How dumb do you think I am?”

“For one of the only times in my life- no offense. Not at all. You’re highly intelligent- “

“Shut up.”

“No, I mean it. Emotionally you’re smarter than anyone I know. You see things and you get things other people don’t.”

“Stop saying nice things. Be stupid again, so I can be mad at you,” this makes me laugh which causes him to frown.  
“What, want me to yell at you?”

“Well no, that could either make me cry or turn me on. Possibly both.”

“Gonna have to pretend you didn’t say that, because I have no idea how to reply,” this makes him smile at me, his red watery eyes from crying gleam as he beams.

“We’re hopeless.”

“Yeah, we are.”

“I love you”

“I love you too”

“Just not in the way I love you”

“See, but I do though,” Vince rolls his eyes, “I do. I have since we were young when I first saw you”

“In the boys' toilets in target?”

“No. The FIRST time I ever saw you. I didn’t talk to you or anything, but I remember seeing you.”

“Likely story.”

“It’s true. Your hair was shorter and blonder, you were wearing these weird purple shorts and a black top that said “who the fuck is Mick Jagger?” on it.  
I remember thinking it was probably made for girls but that you looked great in it.  
You had socks that reached your mid-shin and they were green and yellow, and you had the dumbest hot pink shoes I’ve ever seen in my life, all paired with a sheer grey cardigan. Bet you regret that outfit choice now. You looked ridiculous; I was immediately intrigued.  
You were reading an NME magazine, repeating things like “this is bonkers” and “like hell it is.”  
I thought you were strange. But I knew you would be the most unique person I’d ever meet and that I’d just have to get to know you.”  
Vince looked like he was crying again,

“I love you. If you don’t believe me then I’m sorry, I regret not telling you sooner.”

“Howard!”  
He flings himself into my arms, his legs wrap around my waist and his arms around my neck. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much comfort in my life.  
Even with him crying into my shoulder, I can tell he feels the same. 

We stand there just hugging for a while until Vince pulls his face out from the crook of my neck to press a salty, sloppy, yet somehow perfect for the moment kiss to my lips. Salty because of the tears from before. I pull away to say

“I love you, Vince.” He looks into my eyes.

“Always and forever?”

“forever and always,” that brings his cheeky grin back to his face, and he kisses me again.

“I love you too,” he whispers into my ear.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this all the way, I want to thank you so so much! It means a lot. I've been having a lot of doubts about my writing recently, so constructive criticism is deeply appreciated. Sorry, it's not very long.
> 
> Hope everyone is well and safe!!  
> Sending lots of love 💜✨


End file.
